Epoch Etymology.

Inspired by Movember and blog neglect I have decided that all months should be the focus of some sort of celebration and clever word play. Cue another pointless list.

Manuary: Similar to Movember, this month centres around men. Suggestions for celebrating involve everyone dressing as or undergoing operations to become men or, more simply, telling some men that they are great. For those worried about the permanent effects of transgenderising themselves see next month.
Femruary: A chance for any women who became men in the last month to revert back to a gender they are more comfortable. Perhaps this month it would be easier for men to just tuck their willies between their legs and buy some padding.
Starch: Primarily influenced by the difficulty of rebranding this month and the next best idea being Farch, for the third we are looking at four weeks of only eating starch. May cause illness.
Gaypril: Surprised that homosexuality is not addressed next? Well Gaypril is slightly more amusing than a basic Gay. Heterosexuality is strictly prohibited.
May: Further surprised at this revelation? Well I could not think of anything after April stole the obvious. Instead this is a month of making no decisions. You "may" do things but cannot actually commit. Results include loss of patience and job.
Boone: Remember Boone from Lost? No? Well I do not blame you. To rectify matters we must all fall in love with our step sisters and then cause a plane to fall from a cliff; killing us. This month is optional.
Mooly: COWS! (Or alternatively, if you live on the Isle of Wight, Cowes).
Angust: In honour of Scotland we must all become Scottish for a month. The contradiction is that this is traditionally the hottest month in Britain, yet Scotland is cold and will probably be snowing throughout. Helpful tips are to increase aggressiveness with friendliness when speaking and call your friends abhorrent words.
Ineptember: Self explanatory really. Intentionally do everything wrong. An interesting situation should arise as people will justify dismissal from their work yet those in charge will be making incorrect decisions in terms of employee retention and therefore everything will just go back to normal by October. Unfortunately the Government may destroy the country... but that is happening anyway. SATIRE!
Rocktober: Probably the coolest month of them all. Basically we shall all be required to listen to rock music and rock out. Rocking chairs and various rock types will be made available to all. Listening to any other kind of music will be punishable by death.
Blovember: I have decided not to retain the month that inspired this exercise. Has anyone else noticed how windy it has been?
Guessember: I absolutely cannot think of anything for this final month. Suggestions welcome.
Blog out.