A Reluctant Guide to Decisions

Howdy y'all. Are you the kind of person that hates making decisions? Is this condition made worse when you are making a decision that affects other people and they also hate making decisions? Well if the answer to either, both or neither of those questions is yes then you are in luck. Here are some handy tips on how to make other people make decisions for you or, if you absolutely have to, make decisions yourself.

First of all the easiest thing to do when deciding on a course of action for you and somebody else is to have them make the decision, Unfortunately many other people would prefer someone else to make those kinds of decisions and will be reluctant to concede. In these scenarios it is handy to have some ironclad reasons why they should be making this decision.

1. They are older: If they are older than you by any amount of days then it makes perfect sense why they should be in charge of things.
2. They are younger: They are naive and therefore their decisions will not be tainted by the cruel realities of the world that you have encountered.
3. They are the host/guest: Hosts are responsible for the activities they are hosting. Guests should be given the chance to decide what they want to do. When this is in regards to towns and cities rather than someone's home then this is even more useful. Hosts have all the knowledge required to make that decision on activity. Guests will be in the unique position of not having experienced everything like yourself and should choose what they want to do in the locality. 
4. It is their birthday: This might seem like a limited excuse. However it can be extended to birthday weeks and even months increasing the usefulness of the excuse. Also they can be reminded that they never made a birthday decision like they were obligated to and so it can last indefinitely (especially if they are forgetful).
5. The fake decision: Choose something that you know they will not enjoy. It is best to choose something utterly horrendous but not too outlandish or they will realise your plan. When they protest; demand that they suggest something instead as you have already made a decision. 
6. The fake fake decision: This is a course of action to be used when you would like to do something but you are afraid of how people will react to the choice. Make it seem that you are making the decision in protest in having been made to make it. Either you get to do what you want or someone else will take control. For this I coined the term 'win-win scenario' because whatever happens you win. 
7. Coin toss: You might think that this is obvious. You are wrong! This is the most complex option because it involves psychology (the art of mind control). Procure two options. Assign coin sides. Flip coin. When the coin has made a decision observe the reaction of those you are with. If it is positive then retain that decision. If it is negative then defy the coin. This is also good because it can make you seem powerful and assertive to the extent that you can alter fate. People will worship you.

The above actions are at their most effective when you are with just one other person but can be used with larger groups with some tweaking. 

As this entry has already turned out longer than expected I will explore the terrifying notion of making decisions for yourself in the next one. To tide you over however, I shall make one decision for you. You need to donate to my friend's sponsored walking right now! He is climbing peaks as a defiant "fuck you!" to brain tumours. This is a noble cause and he invites you to join the chorus. 

Visit the site http://www.justgiving.com/threepeaks-24hrs ASAP. Like now.